Monthly Archives: April 2015

“Let’s Be Brave & Search Alone Together!”: Q’s 19 – 29

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My friend, Tia, has started a tumblr (inspired by a production being put on by a local theatre company) encouraging folks to go on an Identity Scavenger Hunt.  And in her rallying cry of “let’s be brave and search alone-together” (which I love love love love) – I’m all in.  And I encourage you to play along as well! Over the next 30 days or so, Tia will be posting a question or two a day from the famous Proust Questionnaire on the tumblr.  I’ll be doing my best to keep up and answer the questions here; my approach will be to not think too much about any one answer and to go from the gut.  You can answer the questions on the Identity Scavenger Hunt tumblr, on your own blog, in your journal, in your head, or feel free to e-mail answers directly to the lovely Tia at theatretia@gmail.com – she may want to use some of your answers in different ways in the future!

I missed a few days again… so here’s another catch-up!

19. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I would be less fearful of shaking things up and more bold. This is something I am actively working on.

20. If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?

I’m answering this one privately because I promised not to write on the blog about family.

21. What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Being an independent woman who can take care of herself.

22. If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?

Ok – I first read this as “what would you like to be” … but “what do you think it would be” is much different. I think I would come back as loose rainbow glitter:  colorful, shiny, makes people smile, but is also kind of annoying because it gets into everything and is easily scattered.

23. What is your most treasured possession?

Actual thing:  Fabian. I think she counts, right? (also – surprise, surprise. lol)

A more thoughtful answer: my soul.

This furry, claw-happy, bitey buttface is my most treasured possession; I can't imagine life without her.

This furry, claw-happy, bitey buttface is my most treasured possession; I can’t imagine life without her.

24. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Feeling completely worthless – like you have nothing to contribute to the world or to help better the existence of others or even yourself. That is the worst, most hellish place to be. And, unfortunately, I think everyone gets to experience that at least once in a lifetime.

25. Where would you like to live?

Ideally, I would live on a farm sanctuary where we would take in animals who have no where to go from dogs and cats to  goats and elephants.  It would also be a hippie artist commune of sorts – there would be a barn for performance and other structures to be used for other forms of artistic work. The main farmhouse would be accommodations for artists in residence and soul seekers. We would grow as much of our own food as possible and do yoga and make music and theatre and take care of the resident creatures and each other. We would also engage in therapeutic artistic and animal experiences – people could come from all over to stay for varying lengths of time for therapy or could have weekly appointments. We would do retreats. The farm would be within a short distance to both a major city with a theatre/performance industry and a beach/ocean.

26. What is your favorite occupation? 

The one that I want: actor/theatre artist.

The one I admire most: conservationist on an animal reserve.

27. What is your most marked characteristic? 

That I have a big heart. I think. I hope.

28. What is the quality you most like in a man?

Genuine, truthful kindness.

29. What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Genuine, truthful kindness.

“Let’s Be Brave and Search Alone-Together”: Q’s 13 – 18

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My friend, Tia, has started a tumblr (inspired by a production being put on by a local theatre company) encouraging folks to go on an Identity Scavenger Hunt.  And in her rallying cry of “let’s be brave and search alone-together” (which I love love love love) – I’m all in.  And I encourage you to play along as well! Over the next 30 days or so, Tia will be posting a question or two a day from the famous Proust Questionnaire on the tumblr.  I’ll be doing my best to keep up and answer the questions here; my approach will be to not think too much about any one answer and to go from the gut.  You can answer the questions on the Identity Scavenger Hunt tumblr, on your own blog, in your journal, in your head, or feel free to e-mail answers directly to the lovely Tia at theatretia@gmail.com – she may want to use some of your answers in different ways in the future!

I missed a few days… so here’s a catch-up!

13. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

“I feel like _____. “; “like”; “I mean…seriously.”; “You know what I mean?”; “Does that make sense?”; and my phone autocorrects “ha” or “hahaha” to “BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” – so there’s that. (I also overuse “so there’s that”).

14. What is your greatest regret?

I love this imperfect little life I am leading even on the ficklest of days, I truly do, and to change one thing would be to change everything. BUT, while I am grateful for my training and education, I greatly regret not auditioning for highly competitive undergrad programs when I was looking into colleges. I had the grades, the SAT scores, the extra-curriculars, the accolades, and the appropriately high-school leveled chops to compete for a slot at a top program but was ignorant to what existed in the world of academic theatre and how qualified I was to go after a place at a top school that would have put me in a strata/market to more easily go after The Dream post-graduation. I was also terrified to audition for a school.  Silly 17 year old, me – you shoulda taken more risks, kid!

15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?

What: Cheese, coffee, or bourbon – they are gonna have to duke it out; Who: someone I have yet to meet or know…or be a caretaker/parent to.

16. When and where were you happiest?

Every summer growing up from the time I was born, my family would go to the beach for a 2 – 3 week chunk of time and then shoot down to the family-shared condo whenever others in the extended family weren’t using it. I lived for those beach weeks. I loved those beach weeks. And because of those beach weeks,  I’m always happiest when close to the ocean.  Someone I knew for a few years once told me that in all the time we spent together, the most relaxed I’d ever appeared was when I was by the ocean.  Sand between my toes, salty air, and the sounds of moving water help me breathe easier.

View from the stairwell of my home-away-from-home every summer from 2 months old - 18 years old. I still miss this place.

View from the stairwell of my home-away-from-home every summer from 2 months old – 18 years old. I still miss this place.

17. Which talent would you most like to have?

Musical talent. I would love to have the kind of vocal ability that seems gifted by the Gods. BRING ME THE VOICE OF ADELE OR JOHN LEGEND!!!

18. What is your current state of mind?

Scattered: I’m in love with many things going on right now and am excited about upcoming plans, theatre, weddings, life. But I’m also bored with some stuff, sad about some other stuff, and a little frustrated with myself on a point or two. It all tug-of-wars in my brain for attention.

“Let’s Be Brave and Search Alone-Together”: Q’s 11 & 12

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My friend, Tia, has started a tumblr (inspired by a production being put on by a local theatre company) encouraging folks to go on an Identity Scavenger Hunt.  And in her rallying cry of “let’s be brave and search alone-together” (which I love love love love) – I’m all in.  And I encourage you to play along as well! Over the next 30 days or so, Tia will be posting a question or two a day from the famous Proust Questionnaire on the tumblr.  I’ll be doing my best to keep up and answer the questions here; my approach will be to not think too much about any one answer and to go from the gut.  You can answer the questions on the Identity Scavenger Hunt tumblr, on your own blog, in your journal, in your head, or feel free to e-mail answers directly to the lovely Tia at theatretia@gmail.com – she may want to use some of your answers in different ways in the future!

11. What do you dislike the most about your appearance?

My skin. I never had real problem-skin until my mid-twenties and now I have fairly bad facial scarring and the occasional really bad breakout. I know my acne issues are hormonal and it is an active choice on my part to not regulate that hormonal shizz, but it’s still a pain – sometimes a literal pain.  To add to it, a medicine I was put on this past fall to try to manage the breakouts actually gave me the worst breakouts I’ve ever had and resulted in the worst scarring. PLUS the pills gave me anxiety attacks. So I went off of those and am now relying on topical and homeopathic management techniques along with going easy on dairy and drinking more water.

I will say that my skin has gotten a lot better since October, but is definitely still healing from the dermatological assault of this fall.  And I’m visually adjusting to the facial/neck scars, some of which may be permanent.  If I could erase them all, I would in a heartbeat. I looked into laser treatments but for some folks, those treatments can actually make skin gain the texture/appearance of an orange peel. I figured that I haven’t had that much luck with my skin lately and if I took expensive measures that only gave me a different and somewhat worse problem, I would lose my cool entirely.

So thank goodness for good (cruelty-free) make-up. And soft lighting. And – ya know – personality and heart and the things that *actually* matter.

12. Which living person do you most despise?

The “flip” answer after writing the above is “my dermatologist.”  But honestly, this has me stumped. Ooooooph.

I can count on less than one hand the number of people I can’t stand – mainly people who did the internal emotional equivalent of flipping tables and trashing hotel rooms when they were in my life. Like – really messed up stuff.  But *despise* feels so strong. I don’t *despise* these people because to do that much damage, you have to have been close at some point. And to be close, means that I emotionally understand some of the reasons these people are they way they are. And empathize to a degree. Which takes the edge off slightly and knocks potential *despise* down a rung or two…

For me, I think that *despise* must be reserved for real world evil.  There isn’t one specific living person who comes to mind but I do despise the people who abuse their animals and dump them at the shelter for no good reason.  Nothing elicits more rage from me than seeing under-fed, hurt, helpless creatures and knowing that someone was charged with their well-being and refused to give even the base amount of care necessary for a living creature to simply survive.  I do truly despise these people.

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OK – that was rough. After thinking about people I don’t like and trying to figure out who I may despise, I need a little happiness.  Here’s a great video about people doing GOOD in the world from HooplaHa’s Facebook. I am a friend and fan of Dr. Spats and after this video, I bet you will be, too.

“Let’s Be Brave and Search Alone-Together”: Q’s 9 & 10

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My friend, Tia, has started a tumblr (inspired by a production being put on by a local theatre company) encouraging folks to go on an Identity Scavenger Hunt.  And in her rallying cry of “let’s be brave and search alone-together” (which I love love love love) – I’m all in.  And I encourage you to play along as well! Over the next 30 days or so, Tia will be posting a question or two a day from the famous Proust Questionnaire on the tumblr.  I’ll be doing my best to keep up and answer the questions here; my approach will be to not think too much about any one answer and to go from the gut.  You can answer the questions on the Identity Scavenger Hunt tumblr, on your own blog, in your journal, in your head, or feel free to e-mail answers directly to the lovely Tia at theatretia@gmail.com – she may want to use some of your answers in different ways in the future!

9. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Temperance, perhaps. Exercising impulse control and “all things in moderation” seem about right, but I feel like I see a lot of temperance-associated shame for things that are purely human. Desire for sex, food, and drink along with the possession of pride are not to be shamed; this is how we continue the human race, sustain life, commune with friends, and are motivated to care for ourselves. Obviously going overboard can lead to dangerous territory (with just about anything) but even in a secular society, there is institutionalized shaming based on old notions of temperance which tells people that indulging in any of these things is inherently bad unless the indulgences take place under certain circumstances. That frosts my cookies. So I say: Go get laid! Eat some tiramisu! Drink some bourbon! And tell yourself you are pretty dang awesome!  As long as you’re being safe and that’s what floats your boat, don’t shame yourself for being alive and having healthy desires.

Have a drink or two if you want to, little elephant dude - it's been a long day and you aren't driving! (and yes that is a Dumbo lamp in the background. Because. #Fauxdulthood)

Have a drink or two if you want to, little elephant dude – it’s been a long day and you aren’t driving! (and yes that is a Dumbo lamp in the background. Because. #Fauxdulthood)

10. On what occasion do you lie?

On a RARE occasion. And typically to avoid hurting someone’s feelings.  I actually loathe lying/liars so feel really icky when I do it.

“Let’s Be Brave and Search Alone-Together”: Q’s 7 & 8

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My friend, Tia, has started a tumblr (inspired by a production being put on by a local theatre company) encouraging folks to go on an Identity Scavenger Hunt.  And in her rallying cry of “let’s be brave and search alone-together” (which I love love love love) – I’m all in.  And I encourage you to play along as well! Over the next 30 days or so, Tia will be posting a question or two a day from the famous Proust Questionnaire on the tumblr.  I’ll be doing my best to keep up and answer the questions here; my approach will be to not think too much about any one answer and to go from the gut.  You can answer the questions on the Identity Scavenger Hunt tumblr, on your own blog, in your journal, in your head, or feel free to e-mail answers directly to the lovely Tia at theatretia@gmail.com – she may want to use some of your answers in different ways in the future!

7. What is your greatest extravagance?

Bedding. I love bedding. I have alluded to this love ever so slightly three times before, but never in-depth… so here we go.

At the end of a long day, I want to be enveloped by a comfortable, beautiful space where I can truly relax. If you can’t feel good sinking into your bed at night, what can you feel good about? Plus switching up bedding is the simplest way of changing the look of your bedroom – and I am easily bored and like to inject new colors and patterns into a space that essentially stays the same in all other ways. A prettily made bed also makes me feel like I’ve got my *ish* together every time I look at it, even if I don’t really – which is why I make my bed every day. That being said, I don’t always go for the fancy stuff. And I love having brightly colored polka-dotted or printed sheets contrast a paisley patterned quilt or muted, sophisticated duvet.

I think in some ways, the hoarding of bedding stems from a period of my life when I lived in a not-so-cat-friendly group house and Fabs had to have bedroom access at all times because her food, water, and litterboxes had to be in my room (gross…I know). Due to a urinary tract infection, Fab had a number of accidents on the bed (gross…I know) – and then continued occasionally doing that even after the UTI cleared (gross…I know!!!). Thank goodness my mattress was protected, but I needed back-up bedding so that I could clean things up and still sleep in my room vs. waiting for bedding to be washed and dried to sleep in my own room. Now that I live by myself, the KitBit’s necessities are in more fitting locations around the apartment and she does not have access to my room unless I’m in there with her.  Despite the fact that compromised bedding has long since worked its way out of rotation, the need for ALL OF THE BEDDING remains.

So now that I’ve said the gross things…here’s the pretty bedding!

The current hotness #forsheetsandgiggles

Spring 2015: The current hotness; quilt pattern close-ups and the hot pink polka-dotted sheets it is currently paired with. Current total pillow count: 8 pillows. #forsheetsandgiggles

Spring/Summer 2014 favorite - peacockin' y'all; also the quilt came with three pillows. #forsheetsandgiggles

Spring/Summer 2014 favorite – peacockin’ y’all;  the quilt came with 3 pillows. Total pillow count: 7 pillows.  #winning #forsheetsandgiggles

Favorite winter bedding. #forsheetsandgiggles

Favorite winter bedding OF ALL TIME – I may have two of these duvet covers because if one duvet cover dies, I MUST STILL HAVE THIS. You can’t see it here, but there is shimmery gold thread used on the designs. And the textures and patterns vary greatly from section to section.  LOVE. Total pillow count: 8 pillows.  #forsheetsandgiggles

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Back-up winter bedding new in 2015 and also how I got 3 more pillows!  Total pillow count: 10 pillows.  10 pillows felt excessive and helped me coin a phrase – #beditor – because sometimes you need a bedding editor. 2 pillows eventually got punted to the living room. #forsheetsandgiggles

8. What is your favorite journey?

This life. Or the band. But probably this life.