Last night while sitting around a table sipping celebratory drinks after closing one of the most challenging and successful productions I’ve ever had the honor of being a part of, a friend said casually to another “Well it’s August 16th now.”
I don’t know what this was in response to, but for a second my heart seized up.
A year ago to the day, the final big shoe dropped during what had already been the hardest year of my life.
I leaned over to my dear friend – one of my favorite humans – and said something regarding the date’s significance. Being the super smartypants he is, he asked something along the lines of: *Are you happier now than you were the day before that happened?*
Without hesitation I replied emphatically: “FUCK YES.”
Passage of time is odd. Some life mile-markers are predictable while some sneak up on you or just plain ol’ smack you in the face. August 16th, 2014 was an unexpected smacker of a mile-marker. And while I am soooooooo far down the road past that sucker and the dark clouds now – there are still rare moments when I mentally road-trip back to the feelings and difficulties of that point in my life and let the clouds back in. So it was nice to have August 16th, 2015 slowly creep up unnoticed until mentioned in a bar with friends while riding a high after closing an amazing show.
These past 12 months have contained both some of the most trying and some of the most gloriously happy moments I have ever known. I have challenged myself and have been challenged by others. I’ve had ridiculously difficult conversations with people I love and with myself. I have become more honest and transparent. I have said “FUCK YES.” to things that scare me (in the good way) and have pushed my own boundaries. I have sought out amazing new friendships and have deepened the love in existing ones. I have re-focused. I have re-discovered.
Essentially, I have come home to my own bones – as a human; as a woman; as an artist.
*Are you happier now than you were the day before…?*
Again, I say: “FUCK YES.”
And that feels damn good. And that feels right.