“Let’s Be Brave and Search Alone-Together”: Q’s 11 & 12

My friend, Tia, has started a tumblr (inspired by a production being put on by a local theatre company) encouraging folks to go on an Identity Scavenger Hunt.  And in her rallying cry of “let’s be brave and search alone-together” (which I love love love love) – I’m all in.  And I encourage you to play along as well! Over the next 30 days or so, Tia will be posting a question or two a day from the famous Proust Questionnaire on the tumblr.  I’ll be doing my best to keep up and answer the questions here; my approach will be to not think too much about any one answer and to go from the gut.  You can answer the questions on the Identity Scavenger Hunt tumblr, on your own blog, in your journal, in your head, or feel free to e-mail answers directly to the lovely Tia at theatretia@gmail.com – she may want to use some of your answers in different ways in the future!

11. What do you dislike the most about your appearance?

My skin. I never had real problem-skin until my mid-twenties and now I have fairly bad facial scarring and the occasional really bad breakout. I know my acne issues are hormonal and it is an active choice on my part to not regulate that hormonal shizz, but it’s still a pain – sometimes a literal pain.  To add to it, a medicine I was put on this past fall to try to manage the breakouts actually gave me the worst breakouts I’ve ever had and resulted in the worst scarring. PLUS the pills gave me anxiety attacks. So I went off of those and am now relying on topical and homeopathic management techniques along with going easy on dairy and drinking more water.

I will say that my skin has gotten a lot better since October, but is definitely still healing from the dermatological assault of this fall.  And I’m visually adjusting to the facial/neck scars, some of which may be permanent.  If I could erase them all, I would in a heartbeat. I looked into laser treatments but for some folks, those treatments can actually make skin gain the texture/appearance of an orange peel. I figured that I haven’t had that much luck with my skin lately and if I took expensive measures that only gave me a different and somewhat worse problem, I would lose my cool entirely.

So thank goodness for good (cruelty-free) make-up. And soft lighting. And – ya know – personality and heart and the things that *actually* matter.

12. Which living person do you most despise?

The “flip” answer after writing the above is “my dermatologist.”  But honestly, this has me stumped. Ooooooph.

I can count on less than one hand the number of people I can’t stand – mainly people who did the internal emotional equivalent of flipping tables and trashing hotel rooms when they were in my life. Like – really messed up stuff.  But *despise* feels so strong. I don’t *despise* these people because to do that much damage, you have to have been close at some point. And to be close, means that I emotionally understand some of the reasons these people are they way they are. And empathize to a degree. Which takes the edge off slightly and knocks potential *despise* down a rung or two…

For me, I think that *despise* must be reserved for real world evil.  There isn’t one specific living person who comes to mind but I do despise the people who abuse their animals and dump them at the shelter for no good reason.  Nothing elicits more rage from me than seeing under-fed, hurt, helpless creatures and knowing that someone was charged with their well-being and refused to give even the base amount of care necessary for a living creature to simply survive.  I do truly despise these people.


OK – that was rough. After thinking about people I don’t like and trying to figure out who I may despise, I need a little happiness.  Here’s a great video about people doing GOOD in the world from HooplaHa’s Facebook. I am a friend and fan of Dr. Spats and after this video, I bet you will be, too.

A Fauxdult Girl’s Favorite Things: Break-up Edition

Here is my Oprah-style favorites list for what you need in the wake of a break as you try to adjust to a new approach of living your life.


Flowers – Buy flowers of a non-romantic variety – like gerbera daisies in bright orange – and put them somewhere you will see them as soon as you enter your home. They brighten the mood and are a subtle reminder that many good things that bring happiness are not designed to last forever –  and that is a-OK; in part, that is what makes them beautiful.

Furballs – There is nothing better than curling up with your highly sensitive, typically grumpy but now oddly affectionate cat, playing with your fosters, or working with some shelter adoptables to help ease your soul. Feeling sad? Hold something furry! Tears coming? Let a pup lick them away – they like the salt!

Mambo is the best therapy dog and she gives amazing kisses.

And you thought you wouldn’t be kissed again for a long time… look at that!


Elastic waistbands – Ladyboo – you are going to want to be comfortable. Loose fitting clothing and loungewear are your friends. Don’t judge – wear anything that makes you feel comfy. Bust out those faux business pants and skirts that look like they have real-people fasteners like zippers and buttons but secretly have elastic and wear the hell out of them. But make sure you feel GOOD about what you are wearing. Don’t wear sweatpants too much. That will make you feel worse. Yoga pants are your buddy at home.

Deep Steep sugar scrub in passionfruit-guava – This stuff is luxurious –  it makes your body feel amazing and your skin super-smooth while smelling absolutely delicious. It provides a nice escape for a few minutes in the shower and is a great way to Treat. Yo. Self. Because you certainly deserve to Treat. Yo. Self.


Delicious and cruelty-free


Bourbon – Bulleit or a bottle of Four Roses (better when brought by one of your Meg(h)ans). Mix with bitters (better when brought by a friend). Pop some star-shaped ice cubes in there and a glitter swizzle stick and breathe. Enjoy in moderation and best when shared with a buddy. Bourbon is God’s way of letting you know that He/She exists and that humans are deserving of love. Relax.

Waterproof mascara – Tarte’s Lights, Camera, Splashes! waterproof mascara – cruelty free and phenomenal.

Cry-proofing perfection

Cry-proofing perfection.


Privacy settings on social media – Use them. Privatize albums and photos. Deactivate accounts for stretches of time. Limit your own access to people’s feeds and streams and change alert settings. Technology is pretty intense and there are ways to make sure you don’t see things you don’t think you can handle yet. Do not be ashamed to use all the bells and whistles to your advantage.

Smudge/Sage – All aboard the Ritual Train to Hippy Dippy Break-up Town, USA!  Doing something to clear the space and create a blank slate is useful if not for any other reason than to clear your own brain. After the Ritual Boxing of Items and Ritual Exchanging of Things, when your physical space is clear of tangible items reminding you of what is now past, burn this shizz around your apartment and make intentions for now and the future. Breathe.

To new beginnings, a clean space, a clear mind, an open heart, a strong spine, and remembering to be kind to and respectful of the obstacles this year has brought.

To new beginnings, a clean space, a clear mind, an open heart, a strong spine, and remembering to be kind to and respectful of the obstacles this year has brought.


Family and Friends – I have touched on this before, but let people know about the break-up and be honest with them about what you need. Message it out to your nearest and dearest and others who will be affected by your lack of full presence in the immediate. It is OK.  Most everyone has been there and will understand.  There will also be lots of hugs. “And YOU get a hug! And YOU get a hug!  AND YOU GET A HUG! EVERYBODY GETS HUGS!!”

INSTRUCTIONS by Neil Gaiman – Read this poem. Read it and take heart.

"Trust your heart, and trust your story."

“Trust your heart, and trust your story.”


Respect – Respect what is past. Respect the relationship you had. Treat it with care because it is broken and fragile. When you get sad or mad or frustrated about losing someone you love, check yourself and temper your response. Be human.  Be honest. But be kind and loving. To yourself and to the person and relationship you lost. Never stop giving respect. Ever. And respect yourself and the wishes of others enough to have a clean break and start moving on.