Mile-markers and “FUCK YES.”

Posted on August 16, 2015 by melhmel

Last night while sitting around a table sipping celebratory drinks after closing one of the most challenging and successful productions I’ve ever had the honor of being a part of, a friend said casually to another “Well it’s August 16th now.”

I don’t know what this was in response to, but for a second my heart seized up.

August 16th.

A year ago to the day, the final big shoe dropped during what had already been the hardest year of my life.

I leaned over to my dear friend – one of my favorite humans – and said something regarding the date’s significance. Being the super smartypants he is, he asked something along the lines of: *Are you happier now than you were the day before that happened?*

Without hesitation I replied emphatically: “FUCK YES.”

Passage of time is odd. Some life mile-markers are predictable while some sneak up on you or just plain ol’ smack you in the face. August 16th, 2014 was an unexpected smacker of a mile-marker. And while I am soooooooo far down the road past that sucker and the dark clouds now – there are still rare moments when I mentally road-trip back to the feelings and difficulties of that point in my life and let the clouds back in. So it was nice to have August 16th, 2015 slowly creep up unnoticed until mentioned in a bar with friends while riding a high after closing an amazing show.

These past 12 months have contained both some of the most trying and some of the most gloriously happy moments I have ever known. I have challenged myself and have been challenged by others. I’ve had ridiculously difficult conversations with people I love and with myself. I have become more honest and transparent. I have said “FUCK YES.” to things that scare me (in the good way) and have pushed my own boundaries. I have sought out amazing new friendships and have deepened the love in existing ones. I have re-focused. I have re-discovered.

Essentially, I have come home to my own bones – as a human; as a woman; as an artist.

*Are you happier now than you were the day before…?*

Again, I say: “FUCK YES.”

And that feels damn good. And that feels right.

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No more journeys … just adventures.

Likeability

Posted on May 29, 2015 by melhmel

This is a post altered and expanded from what started as a comment on a Facebook thread related to the below video of author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (full disclosure – I am unfamiliar with her writing but am now crushing hardcore and about to embark on an Amazon Prime quest for her work). I did not want to lose my thoughts on this topic, or keep them buried in a thread; sometimes this is how posts are born…

“Likeability.” This 5 minute video is lovely, but you can skip to around 3:14 for Adichie’s thoughts on “likeability.”

The idea of “likeability” is a bit of a hot button with me… I’d like to see more pleasant kindness and compassion in life in general – and people who are pleasantly kind and compassionate are typically very “likeable.” But – for me – living with the filter of “likeability” is no way to live. Constantly not sharing ideas, opinions, or stories that are essential to your being because you are scared of someone not liking you if you did is – to me – stupid. I’ve tried at many points of my life. And it always sucked. And I lost a bit of myself every time I consciously filtered. It sat in my soul uncomfortably. Plus – I don’t want to be liked based on the filtered version of myself. I deserve more than that. We all do. If I am liked, I want it to be for who I *really* am at my core. Which means being truthful. And in being truthful, you don’t have to be unpleasant or unkind to people – because tact and compassion are still things to use. In fact I think sharing your truth is actually much kinder than a “likeable” facade – even if it is a little rougher going at times. I’d rather people let me see them for who they truly are and get hurt or offended right off the bat than be lulled into a sense of secure, “likeableness” with someone who is not being honest in our interactions because they don’t want me to dislike them. Plus repressed selves always seep their truths out in other ways – often very passive aggressive, more damaging ways than if folks were just owning their gnarly edges from the start.

I don’t have time for that.

If I want to know you, I want to *know* you in your own skin, owning your personhood for the unique, fascinating individual universe you are – the “likeable” and “unlikeable.” And I’ll let you see my universe, too.

Extending this to artistic endeavors – specifically with the written word which Adichie is addressing – you can’t be worried about who you may offend or who may not like you because of the story you have to share. The filter of “likeability” doesn’t allow people to be authentic and true to creation because that filter demands that you reign in and judge honest, visceral reactions – particularly to hard or ugly stuff. But the hard and ugly stuff is so important to honestly put out there, too, or else people are left to struggle through being human on their own without knowing that others have thought, felt, questioned, and struggled in the same way.

Filtering by “likeability” is isolating – not just to an individual but to culture as a whole.

This is something I am keenly aware of in the space of this blog because no story I share is just *mine*; all stories involve other people (directly or indirectly), some of whom may be offended by what I choose to write. For the more personal posts involving others – even seemingly peripherally – I let myself word-vomit a completely unfiltered draft and hold nothing back. Then I will edit with kindness and compassion in mind while keeping the integrity of my truth intact. Sometimes that results in posting something that may still make others upset or uncomfortable; I am positive there are those who have read a post or two and gone “NOPE! Don’t like that chick,” or “She’s too much,” or “What a weirdo.” And I’ve grown OK with that. Because my intent is never to harm or hurt another person; my intent is to share bits of my life in order to connect with others and – through sharing – understand this world of humans a little bit better than I previously did.

I have more things to say. There are more stories that want out. And I don’t want to be “liked” by everyone … I want to be honest. I want to be truthful. I want to be understood. And – ultimately – I want to be cared for by those who want to know me for who I actually am, unfiltered. And on my body is a written reminder: “Trust your heart, and trust your story.”

Trust you heart, and trust your story

Stories of Singledom: Pierre

Posted on May 8, 2015 by melhmel

I have the best, worst dating stories. I may share some of the harmless, more amusing ones about relative strangers from time to time. Names will be changed to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent alike. And I will employ gifs to illustrate as much as possible. Enjoy.

The other night I went out with a colleague whose last day at work is fast approaching so we were going to celebrate. We met up with another colleague and random friends of her friends and went to reggae night at a joint I have never been to before. I HAD SO MUCH FUN. The music was amazing – I was in my zone and just grooving.

And there were SOOOOOO MANY HANDSOME MEN THERE. Soooo many. Like. A distracting amount. At 10pm on a Wednesday night. WHO KNEW THIS WAS A THING?!?! I certainly did not. Which is why I was wearing a dress befitting a toddler and my rhinestone cowgirl boots from Limited Too – I do not kid you and I don’t know why they fit me, but they do.

Anyway – handsome men.

I was in my neo-hippie-dance-zone and thinking I looked like a baby, so was not trying to do that whole flirting thing…but a fancy French man who we’ll call Pierre approached me. Now when I say French, I mean that he just moved to the States and this city somewhat recently. He chatted me up on the dance floor and after 20 minutes or so, asked if he could buy me a drink. Which apparently meant champagne.

Honestly, Pierre’s personality was such that half the time we were talking and dancing, I felt like I was hanging out with this guy…

… which – while slightly confusing because he was obviously interested – put me off my guard in a good way. I was relaxed and just existing and enjoying chatting with a new person without stressing about him hitting on me; plus I love meeting new people and Pierre leads a fascinating life while being very relatable.

My colleague and her friends eventually headed out for the night but I was having a blast and music was still going strong, so I decided to stay behind. Pierre and I broke it down on the dance floor for a bit longer.

Towards the end of the night when I said I was going to leave, Pierre kissed me.

This is where I should say that I am typically unfazed by kissing. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice, but I have had to kiss so many people in my life because of theatre that kissing isn’t often a big deal – and when it is a big deal, that’s when I know I’m in trouble. For example, in the recent past I was hanging out with three of my friends after a show; when my scene partner for the current show said something about my lips, the other two jumped in with their comments BECAUSE I HAD KISSED ALL THREE OF THEM IN SHOWS AT SOME POINT… which I had completely forgotten. My unfazed-ness also means that in adult scavenger hunts with my non-theatre friends, I’ve always been the one to check the “kiss a stranger”/”kiss a bartender” box off my team’s list. Because if I don’t care – then why not?

2010 Scavenger Hunt: Complete Stranger; All The Points.

So … getting back to Pierre, he kissed me and I was all unfazed and like “OK! Nice to meet you! It’s 1:30am so I have to go home and feed my cat now! But you have my number if you want to see me again!” (this is not verbatim but is pretty close…God help me).

And then Pierre said he was going to kiss me “in ze French way”….

And he licked my face around my mouth. Brad The Bad Kisser style. 100%. And I was shocked and appalled and started laughing so hard because IT WAS SO WEIRD. If I had myself together more, maybe I would have been somewhat tactful or kinder. But I literally laughed “BAHAHAHAHA!”-style *into his mouth* and backed up. Because WHAT?!

I think he was insulted. Understandably. And I did feel slightly bad. But also it was 1:30am and I was too tired to try to mask my feelings on the matter. AND SERIOUSLY. WHO TOLD YOU THAT WAS OK, SIR?!?!

I recovered and reiterated that I was going home to feed my cat (not kidding); he said he was leaving, too, and suggested we share a cab. I said OK. Because while I’m awkward, I’m not a monster and I did enjoy his company for the bulk of the night. And it’s just sharing a cab. As we were getting in the cab, Pierre said he had a “surprise” he wanted to show me and that it was on the route back to where my car was parked. Now a red flag presents because I am no dummy and I know that often when a man tells you he has a “surprise” to show you in the wee hours of the morning, it relates back to one thing…

I cut that short right quick and told Pierre that under no circumstances was I doing anything but going right to my car and to my home by myself. He assured me that he was *not* trying to take me back to his place and that the detour would only take 3 minutes. So, ever the optimist, I said (like the dummy I am not) “OK – then show me the surprise.”

He gives the address to the cab driver and it is absolutely on the way to my car – that checks out. Now I figure it’s going to be a statue or fountain – something very specific to the city, something that he likes or relates to and wants to show me. Which – cool, right? I mean I’ve lived here for 11 years, so I bet I’ve seen it before – but I’m game. HOWEVER I ask the driver if when we get to the location he can wait so I can hop right back in the cab and zip to my car post-3-minute-surprise. The cab driver says “Yes,” as we pull up to an apartment building. To Pierre’s apartment building.

“DUDE. PIERRE. No. Absolutely not. I told you I was not going to your place.” And he gives me a song and dance about wanting to show me his “rooftop deck”. So I give him a song and dance about how at close to 2am on a Thursday morning, I don’t need to see a relative stranger’s “rooftop deck”. Also I’m not that stupid and there is a good chance that he is substituting the words “rooftop deck” for

He kept trying to get me to let the driver leave saying that it would be too expensive to have the cab wait and that I should Uber after I see the “rooftop deck”. And I was not having it.

As we parted ways, something was mumbled about inviting me to a French dinner but that he wasn’t going to contact me because American girls always play him, so I’d need to reach out for the invitation…

I hopped back in the cab. The driver was shaking his head and said “He was being very pushy.” And I agreed. Which is sad because it was a fun night otherwise. But Pierre got shady. He took me to his apartment building and tried to get me in an isolated spot when I told him I wasn’t going for that. Not cool, yo. Add to that the mouth-licking….? So I think I’m good on the French dinner front. I’ve got me some morning star farms chick’n nuggets and frozen pasta meals at home. Plus I’m not really into foie gras so much.

I picked up my car, drove home, called my biffle to recap the night, then went to bed at 4am on a Thursday morning. Like the 21 year old I’m apparently aspiring to be. This is fauxdulthood at its finest.

#thisis29

(special shout-out to my lady CGriff for being an editor on this post and an encourager on the share-your-weird-stories front)

“Let’s Be Brave & Search Alone Together!”: Q’s 30 – 35

Posted on May 1, 2015 by melhmel

My friend, Tia, has started a tumblr (inspired by a production being put on by a local theatre company) encouraging folks to go on an Identity Scavenger Hunt. And in her rallying cry of “let’s be brave and search alone-together” (which I love love love love) – I’m all in. And I encourage you to play along as well! Over the next 30 days or so, Tia will be posting a question or two a day from the famous Proust Questionnaire on the tumblr. I’ll be doing my best to keep up and answer the questions here; my approach will be to not think too much about any one answer and to go from the gut. You can answer the questions on the Identity Scavenger Hunt tumblr, on your own blog, in your journal, in your head, or feel free to e-mail answers directly to the lovely Tia at theatretia@gmail.com – she may want to use some of your answers in different ways in the future!

30. What do you most value in your friends?

Honesty. I value most the friends who I know will be honest and real with me no matter the circumstances. Kind. Always kind. But honest.

31. Who are your favorite writers?

Neil Gaiman; Harper Lee; Lewis Carroll; Shakespeare

32. Who is your favorite hero of fiction?

Atticus Finch. I need a re-read. Also Leslie Knope and Liz Lemon…for obvious reasons. They aren’t traditional “hero” types, but they are relatively regular, imperfect women who work against odds to do things they are passionate about while trying to balance personal relationships. And they are fairly successful.

33. Who are your heroes in real life?

Amy Poehler; Tina Fey; Jane Goodall; my friends and family who I watch soldier on during/after tragedies; men and women who use their lives to better the lives of others; people who stick up for what is right while knowing it could or will bring them harm.

I want to be best friends with them.

34. What are your favorite names?

For humans: Isaiah, Isabella (Ella), Mason, Lucy, Atticus (sense a theme there?)… and depending on how the GoT series goes, if I ever choose to have/adopt kids and end up with a daughter I may opt for Khaleesi. Or I may just name a dog or cat (or elephant) Khaleesi. What I’m saying is that Khaleesi will be used at some point.

For animals: anything with a title or office – Officer Fuzznugget, Mr. Brown, Sir Dudley, Fabian Raven Ittameh Bittameh Kittameh The Duchess of Things, etc. I love a ridiculous name for a pet.

35. What is it that you most dislike?

True heartbreak. I’ve only been heartbroken a few times in my life (and not always in a romance-related way) – feeling shattered and internally-cracked because something huge has shifted, often without warning or without choice in the matter, and now you are left to mourn the loss of what will never be regained; when you start questioning the truth of everything because something has died – be it a person, pet, friendship, relationship, opportunity, etc. and that sickening feeling of being broken and not knowing how to get up in the morning let alone how to rebuild. That is what I most dislike.

“Let’s Be Brave & Search Alone Together!”: Q’s 19 – 29

Posted on April 20, 2015 by melhmel

I missed a few days again… so here’s another catch-up!

19. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I would be less fearful of shaking things up and more bold. This is something I am actively working on.

20. If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?

I’m answering this one privately because I promised not to write on the blog about family.

21. What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Being an independent woman who can take care of herself.

22. If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?

Ok – I first read this as “what would you like to be” … but “what do you think it would be” is much different. I think I would come back as loose rainbow glitter: colorful, shiny, makes people smile, but is also kind of annoying because it gets into everything and is easily scattered.

23. What is your most treasured possession?

Actual thing: Fabian. I think she counts, right? (also – surprise, surprise. lol)

A more thoughtful answer: my soul.

This furry, claw-happy, bitey buttface is my most treasured possession; I can’t imagine life without her.

24. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

Feeling completely worthless – like you have nothing to contribute to the world or to help better the existence of others or even yourself. That is the worst, most hellish place to be. And, unfortunately, I think everyone gets to experience that at least once in a lifetime.

25. Where would you like to live?

Ideally, I would live on a farm sanctuary where we would take in animals who have no where to go from dogs and cats to goats and elephants. It would also be a hippie artist commune of sorts – there would be a barn for performance and other structures to be used for other forms of artistic work. The main farmhouse would be accommodations for artists in residence and soul seekers. We would grow as much of our own food as possible and do yoga and make music and theatre and take care of the resident creatures and each other. We would also engage in therapeutic artistic and animal experiences – people could come from all over to stay for varying lengths of time for therapy or could have weekly appointments. We would do retreats. The farm would be within a short distance to both a major city with a theatre/performance industry and a beach/ocean.

26. What is your favorite occupation?

The one that I want: actor/theatre artist.

The one I admire most: conservationist on an animal reserve.

27. What is your most marked characteristic?

That I have a big heart. I think. I hope.

28. What is the quality you most like in a man?

Genuine, truthful kindness.

29. What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Genuine, truthful kindness.

“Let’s Be Brave and Search Alone-Together”: Q’s 13 – 18

Posted on April 8, 2015 by melhmel

I missed a few days… so here’s a catch-up!

13. Which words or phrases do you most overuse?

“I feel like _____. “; “like”; “I mean…seriously.”; “You know what I mean?”; “Does that make sense?”; and my phone autocorrects “ha” or “hahaha” to “BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!” – so there’s that. (I also overuse “so there’s that”).

14. What is your greatest regret?

I love this imperfect little life I am leading even on the ficklest of days, I truly do, and to change one thing would be to change everything. BUT, while I am grateful for my training and education, I greatly regret not auditioning for highly competitive undergrad programs when I was looking into colleges. I had the grades, the SAT scores, the extra-curriculars, the accolades, and the appropriately high-school leveled chops to compete for a slot at a top program but was ignorant to what existed in the world of academic theatre and how qualified I was to go after a place at a top school that would have put me in a strata/market to more easily go after The Dream post-graduation. I was also terrified to audition for a school. Silly 17 year old, me – you shoulda taken more risks, kid!

15. What or who is the greatest love of your life?

What: Cheese, coffee, or bourbon – they are gonna have to duke it out; Who: someone I have yet to meet or know…or be a caretaker/parent to.

16. When and where were you happiest?

Every summer growing up from the time I was born, my family would go to the beach for a 2 – 3 week chunk of time and then shoot down to the family-shared condo whenever others in the extended family weren’t using it. I lived for those beach weeks. I loved those beach weeks. And because of those beach weeks, I’m always happiest when close to the ocean. Someone I knew for a few years once told me that in all the time we spent together, the most relaxed I’d ever appeared was when I was by the ocean. Sand between my toes, salty air, and the sounds of moving water help me breathe easier.

View from the stairwell of my home-away-from-home every summer from 2 months old – 18 years old. I still miss this place.

17. Which talent would you most like to have?

Musical talent. I would love to have the kind of vocal ability that seems gifted by the Gods. BRING ME THE VOICE OF ADELE OR JOHN LEGEND!!!

18. What is your current state of mind?

Scattered: I’m in love with many things going on right now and am excited about upcoming plans, theatre, weddings, life. But I’m also bored with some stuff, sad about some other stuff, and a little frustrated with myself on a point or two. It all tug-of-wars in my brain for attention.

“Let’s Be Brave and Search Alone-Together”: Q’s 11 & 12

Posted on April 3, 2015 by melhmel

11. What do you dislike the most about your appearance?

My skin. I never had real problem-skin until my mid-twenties and now I have fairly bad facial scarring and the occasional really bad breakout. I know my acne issues are hormonal and it is an active choice on my part to not regulate that hormonal shizz, but it’s still a pain – sometimes a literal pain. To add to it, a medicine I was put on this past fall to try to manage the breakouts actually gave me the worst breakouts I’ve ever had and resulted in the worst scarring. PLUS the pills gave me anxiety attacks. So I went off of those and am now relying on topical and homeopathic management techniques along with going easy on dairy and drinking more water.

I will say that my skin has gotten a lot better since October, but is definitely still healing from the dermatological assault of this fall. And I’m visually adjusting to the facial/neck scars, some of which may be permanent. If I could erase them all, I would in a heartbeat. I looked into laser treatments but for some folks, those treatments can actually make skin gain the texture/appearance of an orange peel. I figured that I haven’t had that much luck with my skin lately and if I took expensive measures that only gave me a different and somewhat worse problem, I would lose my cool entirely.

So thank goodness for good (cruelty-free) make-up. And soft lighting. And – ya know – personality and heart and the things that *actually* matter.

12. Which living person do you most despise?

The “flip” answer after writing the above is “my dermatologist.” But honestly, this has me stumped. Ooooooph.

I can count on less than one hand the number of people I can’t stand – mainly people who did the internal emotional equivalent of flipping tables and trashing hotel rooms when they were in my life. Like – really messed up stuff. But *despise* feels so strong. I don’t *despise* these people because to do that much damage, you have to have been close at some point. And to be close, means that I emotionally understand some of the reasons these people are they way they are. And empathize to a degree. Which takes the edge off slightly and knocks potential *despise* down a rung or two…

For me, I think that *despise* must be reserved for real world evil. There isn’t one specific living person who comes to mind but I do despise the people who abuse their animals and dump them at the shelter for no good reason. Nothing elicits more rage from me than seeing under-fed, hurt, helpless creatures and knowing that someone was charged with their well-being and refused to give even the base amount of care necessary for a living creature to simply survive. I do truly despise these people.

————————————————-

OK – that was rough. After thinking about people I don’t like and trying to figure out who I may despise, I need a little happiness. Here’s a great video about people doing GOOD in the world from HooplaHa’s Facebook. I am a friend and fan of Dr. Spats and after this video, I bet you will be, too.

“Let’s Be Brave and Search Alone-Together”: Q’s 9 & 10

Posted on April 2, 2015 by melhmel

9. What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Temperance, perhaps. Exercising impulse control and “all things in moderation” seem about right, but I feel like I see a lot of temperance-associated shame for things that are purely human. Desire for sex, food, and drink along with the possession of pride are not to be shamed; this is how we continue the human race, sustain life, commune with friends, and are motivated to care for ourselves. Obviously going overboard can lead to dangerous territory (with just about anything) but even in a secular society, there is institutionalized shaming based on old notions of temperance which tells people that indulging in any of these things is inherently bad unless the indulgences take place under certain circumstances. That frosts my cookies. So I say: Go get laid! Eat some tiramisu! Drink some bourbon! And tell yourself you are pretty dang awesome! As long as you’re being safe and that’s what floats your boat, don’t shame yourself for being alive and having healthy desires.

Have a drink or two if you want to, little elephant dude – it’s been a long day and you aren’t driving! (and yes that is a Dumbo lamp in the background. Because. #Fauxdulthood)

10. On what occasion do you lie?

On a RARE occasion. And typically to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. I actually loathe lying/liars so feel really icky when I do it.

“Let’s Be Brave and Search Alone-Together”: Q’s 7 & 8

Posted on April 1, 2015 by melhmel

7. What is your greatest extravagance?

Bedding. I love bedding. I have alluded to this love ever so slightly three times before, but never in-depth… so here we go.

At the end of a long day, I want to be enveloped by a comfortable, beautiful space where I can truly relax. If you can’t feel good sinking into your bed at night, what can you feel good about? Plus switching up bedding is the simplest way of changing the look of your bedroom – and I am easily bored and like to inject new colors and patterns into a space that essentially stays the same in all other ways. A prettily made bed also makes me feel like I’ve got my *ish* together every time I look at it, even if I don’t really – which is why I make my bed every day. That being said, I don’t always go for the fancy stuff. And I love having brightly colored polka-dotted or printed sheets contrast a paisley patterned quilt or muted, sophisticated duvet.

I think in some ways, the hoarding of bedding stems from a period of my life when I lived in a not-so-cat-friendly group house and Fabs had to have bedroom access at all times because her food, water, and litterboxes had to be in my room (gross…I know). Due to a urinary tract infection, Fab had a number of accidents on the bed (gross…I know) – and then continued occasionally doing that even after the UTI cleared (gross…I know!!!). Thank goodness my mattress was protected, but I needed back-up bedding so that I could clean things up and still sleep in my room vs. waiting for bedding to be washed and dried to sleep in my own room. Now that I live by myself, the KitBit’s necessities are in more fitting locations around the apartment and she does not have access to my room unless I’m in there with her. Despite the fact that compromised bedding has long since worked its way out of rotation, the need for ALL OF THE BEDDING remains.

So now that I’ve said the gross things…here’s the pretty bedding!

The current hotness #forsheetsandgiggles

Spring 2015: The current hotness; quilt pattern close-ups and the hot pink polka-dotted sheets it is currently paired with. Current total pillow count: 8 pillows. #forsheetsandgiggles

Spring/Summer 2014 favorite - peacockin' y'all; also the quilt came with three pillows. #forsheetsandgiggles

Spring/Summer 2014 favorite – peacockin’ y’all; the quilt came with 3 pillows. Total pillow count: 7 pillows. #winning #forsheetsandgiggles

Favorite winter bedding. #forsheetsandgiggles

Favorite winter bedding OF ALL TIME – I may have two of these duvet covers because if one duvet cover dies, I MUST STILL HAVE THIS. You can’t see it here, but there is shimmery gold thread used on the designs. And the textures and patterns vary greatly from section to section. LOVE. Total pillow count: 8 pillows. #forsheetsandgiggles

10382728_10100101797139723_2371051830869263681_n

Back-up winter bedding new in 2015 and also how I got 3 more pillows! Total pillow count: 10 pillows. 10 pillows felt excessive and helped me coin a phrase – #beditor – because sometimes you need a bedding editor. 2 pillows eventually got punted to the living room. #forsheetsandgiggles

8. What is your favorite journey?

This life. Or the band. But probably this life.

“Let’s Be Brave and Search Alone-Together”: Questions 5 & 6

Posted on March 31, 2015 by melhmel

5. What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

I am easily distracted and focus can be pulled from important things by shiny objects, so-to-speak. It leads to deplorable behaviors and activities/hurt family and friends on occasion – which is the worst. I also worry that I won’t accomplish as much in my life as I’d like to because of my distractability – so when I see others who are able to do so much, I wonder how and then the green-eyed monster creeps in … which is not a pretty look and makes me feel deservedly hideous. These wonderful, highly effective people probably have strong goals and stick-to-it-iveness; while I often lack follow-through. I have tried to cultivate follow-through and I’ve gotten a bit better, but I am too much ruled by emotions and instincts and whims and passions and less with the big-picture logic sometimes.

6. What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Lack of empathy. Nothing is more horrific to me than someone who has a complete inability to empathize. And I have found that people without empathetic constitutions often engage in malicious activities and try to justify the “right-ness” of their ill-intent. To that I say…

Ya hear that, deplorable traits?

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