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A Fauxdult Girl’s Favorite Things: Break-up Edition

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Here is my Oprah-style favorites list for what you need in the wake of a break as you try to adjust to a new approach of living your life.

A FAUXDULT GIRL’S FAVORITE THINGS: BREAK-UP EDITION

Flowers – Buy flowers of a non-romantic variety – like gerbera daisies in bright orange – and put them somewhere you will see them as soon as you enter your home. They brighten the mood and are a subtle reminder that many good things that bring happiness are not designed to last forever –  and that is a-OK; in part, that is what makes them beautiful.

Furballs – There is nothing better than curling up with your highly sensitive, typically grumpy but now oddly affectionate cat, playing with your fosters, or working with some shelter adoptables to help ease your soul. Feeling sad? Hold something furry! Tears coming? Let a pup lick them away – they like the salt!

Mambo is the best therapy dog and she gives amazing kisses.

And you thought you wouldn’t be kissed again for a long time… look at that!

 

Elastic waistbands – Ladyboo – you are going to want to be comfortable. Loose fitting clothing and loungewear are your friends. Don’t judge – wear anything that makes you feel comfy. Bust out those faux business pants and skirts that look like they have real-people fasteners like zippers and buttons but secretly have elastic and wear the hell out of them. But make sure you feel GOOD about what you are wearing. Don’t wear sweatpants too much. That will make you feel worse. Yoga pants are your buddy at home.

Deep Steep sugar scrub in passionfruit-guava – This stuff is luxurious –  it makes your body feel amazing and your skin super-smooth while smelling absolutely delicious. It provides a nice escape for a few minutes in the shower and is a great way to Treat. Yo. Self. Because you certainly deserve to Treat. Yo. Self.

Delicious

Delicious and cruelty-free

 

Bourbon – Bulleit or a bottle of Four Roses (better when brought by one of your Meg(h)ans). Mix with bitters (better when brought by a friend). Pop some star-shaped ice cubes in there and a glitter swizzle stick and breathe. Enjoy in moderation and best when shared with a buddy. Bourbon is God’s way of letting you know that He/She exists and that humans are deserving of love. Relax.

Waterproof mascara – Tarte’s Lights, Camera, Splashes! waterproof mascara – cruelty free and phenomenal.

Cry-proofing perfection

Cry-proofing perfection.

 

Privacy settings on social media – Use them. Privatize albums and photos. Deactivate accounts for stretches of time. Limit your own access to people’s feeds and streams and change alert settings. Technology is pretty intense and there are ways to make sure you don’t see things you don’t think you can handle yet. Do not be ashamed to use all the bells and whistles to your advantage.

Smudge/Sage – All aboard the Ritual Train to Hippy Dippy Break-up Town, USA!  Doing something to clear the space and create a blank slate is useful if not for any other reason than to clear your own brain. After the Ritual Boxing of Items and Ritual Exchanging of Things, when your physical space is clear of tangible items reminding you of what is now past, burn this shizz around your apartment and make intentions for now and the future. Breathe.

To new beginnings, a clean space, a clear mind, an open heart, a strong spine, and remembering to be kind to and respectful of the obstacles this year has brought.

To new beginnings, a clean space, a clear mind, an open heart, a strong spine, and remembering to be kind to and respectful of the obstacles this year has brought.

 

Family and Friends – I have touched on this before, but let people know about the break-up and be honest with them about what you need. Message it out to your nearest and dearest and others who will be affected by your lack of full presence in the immediate. It is OK.  Most everyone has been there and will understand.  There will also be lots of hugs. “And YOU get a hug! And YOU get a hug!  AND YOU GET A HUG! EVERYBODY GETS HUGS!!”

INSTRUCTIONS by Neil Gaiman – Read this poem. Read it and take heart.

"Trust your heart, and trust your story."

“Trust your heart, and trust your story.”

 

Respect – Respect what is past. Respect the relationship you had. Treat it with care because it is broken and fragile. When you get sad or mad or frustrated about losing someone you love, check yourself and temper your response. Be human.  Be honest. But be kind and loving. To yourself and to the person and relationship you lost. Never stop giving respect. Ever. And respect yourself and the wishes of others enough to have a clean break and start moving on.

 

These Are My Confessions: Sometimes I Have To Find The Happy

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These Are My Confessions may become a series wherein I admit things that I should probably not put on the internet. But you only live once so…

I tend to naturally be a very happy person. I’m told that sometimes it’s annoying how happy I seem.  My apparent ease with happiness has been viewed as a defining characteristic of who I am by family, friends, and foes since I was a little kid so it’s something that I have always defined myself by as well.  But growing up – *really* growing up – it’s harder and harder to maintain that constant cheer. I don’t always view the world through rose-colored glasses anymore. And when I do, it’s often because I remembered to put them on before leaving the apartment.

Sometimes happy takes work and sometimes I have to go looking for it.  Sometimes I have to find it.  This was a “find it” week.

This week has been a really rough news cycle. There is a lot of sad and bad and scary going on in the world right now and I’ve been a bit out of sorts myself over the last few days. I’ve been very emotions-on-the-surface and it doesn’t take much to make my eyes well up and for a lump to appear in my throat; overflowing emotions could be brought on in equal strength by watching a little kid lick an ice cream cone OR listening to reports of what is happening in Ferguson.  I’m a person who always feels big feelings. I’m grateful for that – I’d rather feel big than not at all and during marathons of Criminal Minds, it reassures me that I could never be a psychopath. But it can be unsettling and I try to look for the “why” when I find myself in this space.

Maybe it’s the antibiotic I’ve been taking to knock out an infection – I always have stronger reactions to medications than predicted.  Maybe it’s that I’ve been watching Six Feet Under for the first time and I’m absorbing some of the heavier topics tackled in the series.  Maybe it’s certain personal/family stuff.  Maybe I’m too much in my own head. Maybe it’s because over the last week and a half, I’ve spent more time in the apartment due to the foster kittens needing attention and then Fab needing attention (because they can’t get attention at the same time) and as important as all of that is, it often means that I’m by myself. Don’t get me wrong – I cherish alone time; just not a lot of alone time.  Luckily I had some wonderful friends stop by twice this week to help socialize the kittens (which is a real thing) but the invitations to help me with the cats are also extended to make sure I don’t go bonkers by being alone too much and it would be silly of me to not admit to that.

Or maybe I’m simply picking up on the distressing vibe the universe is putting out right now – because I do firmly believe that people can feel that shizz.

Honestly, it’s probably a combination of all of the above.

But because this week has been such a slog, I’ve been looking to find the good. Looking for the happy.  And there is nothing wrong with needing a little external stimulus to jump-start the balancing out of emotions.  So here it is…

A HAPPY LIST FOR A HARD WEEK

  1. The Wumpus – the Wumpus always makes me laugh; this is a ridiculous video and I always find new things to giggle about plus it makes me think of some of my favorite Meg(h)ans who introduced me to it years ago. When in doubt: WUMPUS.
  2. Fabian in snuggle mode – my mainkittenlady has been a snugglebutt lately which is rare and welcome … but also probably signifying that she is feeling insecure due to the itty kitbits… but SNUGGLES!
    Faba the snugglebutt

    The Elusive Snuggling Faba

  3. Gorgeous Gifs – these beautiful gifs created by the Smithsonian Library are so imaginative! I particularly like the elephant balloon.
  4. Sunshine, blue skies, and fresh air – self-explanatory
  5. Ron Swanson Dancing – you can’t be feeling anything but fantastic when watching this; you just can’t.
  6. Visits with friends – I got to hang out with four of my lovely lady friends after work this week plus I got the added bonus of a ladies-who-lunch-from-foodtrucks-date with another favorite friend; I am so lucky to be surrounded by such smart, passionate, talented, hilarious, and caring women. Truly. I am.
  7. Kanye makes it raaaaiiiiin with tots – my cousin did this today and I am so proud.
  8. Kittens doing the (modified) ALS challenge – I got nominated to do this after “liking” a piece that brings up some issues with viral awareness campaigns but also after an exchange with a friend about why it has been awesome for her family; so though I had mixed feelings, I decided that it couldn’t hurt and will be donating a little bit to a charity as well. My twist was to do it with the adoptable kittens. Officer Fuzz Nugget wasn’t having it but Reese cooperated enough and it’s pretty adorable:  
  9. Weekend plans – I’ve got some fun stuff on the docket for this weekend: a big event at the shelter; some BFry time; an overdue haircut; seeing my Fairy Godmother; and more kittens.
  10. 24 Hours of Happy – I adore this site; watching people let loose and dance to a happy song makes me smile – I don’t care how many times I’ve  heard this played on the radio, I will never get sick of this site.

So these are my confessions, my friends.  I’m not always so easy with the happy. And that’s OK because life does not always bring the happy.  But it doesn’t mean you stop looking.