A Fauxdult Girl’s Favorite Things: Break-up Edition

Here is my Oprah-style favorites list for what you need in the wake of a break as you try to adjust to a new approach of living your life.

A FAUXDULT GIRL’S FAVORITE THINGS: BREAK-UP EDITION

Flowers – Buy flowers of a non-romantic variety – like gerbera daisies in bright orange – and put them somewhere you will see them as soon as you enter your home. They brighten the mood and are a subtle reminder that many good things that bring happiness are not designed to last forever –  and that is a-OK; in part, that is what makes them beautiful.

Furballs – There is nothing better than curling up with your highly sensitive, typically grumpy but now oddly affectionate cat, playing with your fosters, or working with some shelter adoptables to help ease your soul. Feeling sad? Hold something furry! Tears coming? Let a pup lick them away – they like the salt!

Mambo is the best therapy dog and she gives amazing kisses.

And you thought you wouldn’t be kissed again for a long time… look at that!

 

Elastic waistbands – Ladyboo – you are going to want to be comfortable. Loose fitting clothing and loungewear are your friends. Don’t judge – wear anything that makes you feel comfy. Bust out those faux business pants and skirts that look like they have real-people fasteners like zippers and buttons but secretly have elastic and wear the hell out of them. But make sure you feel GOOD about what you are wearing. Don’t wear sweatpants too much. That will make you feel worse. Yoga pants are your buddy at home.

Deep Steep sugar scrub in passionfruit-guava – This stuff is luxurious –  it makes your body feel amazing and your skin super-smooth while smelling absolutely delicious. It provides a nice escape for a few minutes in the shower and is a great way to Treat. Yo. Self. Because you certainly deserve to Treat. Yo. Self.

Delicious

Delicious and cruelty-free

 

Bourbon – Bulleit or a bottle of Four Roses (better when brought by one of your Meg(h)ans). Mix with bitters (better when brought by a friend). Pop some star-shaped ice cubes in there and a glitter swizzle stick and breathe. Enjoy in moderation and best when shared with a buddy. Bourbon is God’s way of letting you know that He/She exists and that humans are deserving of love. Relax.

Waterproof mascara – Tarte’s Lights, Camera, Splashes! waterproof mascara – cruelty free and phenomenal.

Cry-proofing perfection

Cry-proofing perfection.

 

Privacy settings on social media – Use them. Privatize albums and photos. Deactivate accounts for stretches of time. Limit your own access to people’s feeds and streams and change alert settings. Technology is pretty intense and there are ways to make sure you don’t see things you don’t think you can handle yet. Do not be ashamed to use all the bells and whistles to your advantage.

Smudge/Sage – All aboard the Ritual Train to Hippy Dippy Break-up Town, USA!  Doing something to clear the space and create a blank slate is useful if not for any other reason than to clear your own brain. After the Ritual Boxing of Items and Ritual Exchanging of Things, when your physical space is clear of tangible items reminding you of what is now past, burn this shizz around your apartment and make intentions for now and the future. Breathe.

To new beginnings, a clean space, a clear mind, an open heart, a strong spine, and remembering to be kind to and respectful of the obstacles this year has brought.

To new beginnings, a clean space, a clear mind, an open heart, a strong spine, and remembering to be kind to and respectful of the obstacles this year has brought.

 

Family and Friends – I have touched on this before, but let people know about the break-up and be honest with them about what you need. Message it out to your nearest and dearest and others who will be affected by your lack of full presence in the immediate. It is OK.  Most everyone has been there and will understand.  There will also be lots of hugs. “And YOU get a hug! And YOU get a hug!  AND YOU GET A HUG! EVERYBODY GETS HUGS!!”

INSTRUCTIONS by Neil Gaiman – Read this poem. Read it and take heart.

"Trust your heart, and trust your story."

“Trust your heart, and trust your story.”

 

Respect – Respect what is past. Respect the relationship you had. Treat it with care because it is broken and fragile. When you get sad or mad or frustrated about losing someone you love, check yourself and temper your response. Be human.  Be honest. But be kind and loving. To yourself and to the person and relationship you lost. Never stop giving respect. Ever. And respect yourself and the wishes of others enough to have a clean break and start moving on.

 

Foster Furmonsters

I’ve been slow to post this past week because I’ve been busy temporarily expanding my family of one human and one cat to one human and THREE cats!  Well… one cat and two teeny tiny itty bitties to be completely correct.

Meet Almond Joy and Reese (the shelter named their entire litter after candies). Or I as like to call them Officer Fuzz Nugget (The Fuzz) and Reese. Or Little Boy Cat and Little Girl Cat.

 

The Fuzz

Officer Fuzz Nugget conducting an investigation surrounding the untimely demise of a green mouse

 

Reese is a peanut-butter cup of sweetness and purrs.

Reese is a peanut-butter cup of sweetness and purrs.

I started volunteering for the Washington Humane Society back in May working primarily with dogs and in the adoptions office and it is one of the best things I could have jumped in to. My passion for this work is worth a separate post but – for now – suffice it to say that I’m hooked.

So after weekly visits at the shelter for 3 1/2 months – knowing it is a slippery slope – I decided to try being a foster fur-parent.  The main reasons were:

  1. The shelter has been overrun with cats needing fosters for a while now.
  2. I harass other people about fostering and figured that if I’m going to bug friends about doing it, I should try it myself – excuses be damned!
  3. I love Fabian but eventually I want to expand my menagerie so I figure this is a great way to test the waters and see if she’d be OK without any permanent commitments in place.
  4. The news cycle as of late has been depressing so… KITTENS!!

This is why last Wednesday night I brought home two 5 week old 1 lb-ers.

In 5 days we have had 1 visibly sick kitty; 1 emergency vet visit; 1 poop in the cat carrier; 1 vomit session; multiple scratches up and down my legs from kitten-climbing; 1 stinky bathroom (to last a month or more); 1 poop outside the litterbox; 1 planned encounter with Fabian; 2 jailbreak encounters with Fabian; 10 medicine feedings ( 5/kitten); and a lot of pouncing, purring, squeaking, fuzziness, shoulder-perching, pooping, playing, and general kitten-ness.  It’s a lot of work. Kittens are A LOT of work. And they also like to pretend to be boots…

KITTEN-BOOTS!

KITTEN-BOOTS!

…which is kind of painful. Painfully ADORABLE!

Fabs is not taking it so well.  When I got the kittens home the first night, I placed the carrier in the middle of my hallway – which is really just a tiny room where all the doors to other rooms are.  I was told to let my “resident cat” (foster terminology) smell them in this safe situation. The below is footage of this momentous meeting.

Clearly love at first smell/sight/hiss.

The kittens are super duper cute and I think fostering is VERY important; if you take one foster, it saves two lives – the life of the animal you are fostering and the life of the animal you provided space for at the shelter by taking another OUT of the shelter. So technically by taking two kittens, I’m helping to better four lives.  That being said, considering my 500 square foot circumstances and the kitten-realm that my bathroom has become in order to keep them isolated for health/safety reasons – I don’t know how often I’ll be able to do this.  Maybe once a year.  Maybe twice.  But probably no more than that.  Plus it is A LOT of shuffling to do things that are second nature. Like going in and out of my bathroom.

There is a whole new routine I have in the morning now:

  • Wake up
  • Good morning cuddles/scratches with Fab
  • Close Fab into the family room (she’s been heading in there on her own so far…this is good)
  • Get kitten meds from fridge
  • Mix kitten wet food and kitten dry food in tupperware; close up for use later
  • Open bathroom door
  • Get Reese from the kitchen where she has inevitably escaped to
  • Pick The Fuzz up at the open bathroom door where he is inevitably lingering
  • Close bathroom door
  • Look to see if poop in litterbox is healthy
  • Scruff kitten number 1 and give meds; some fighting ensues
  • Scruff kitten number 2 and give meds; some fighting ensues
  • Let kittens run around for a few minutes pouncing etc.
  • Pry kittens off of legs
  • Put kittens in carrier and place carrier in hallway
  • Move kitten food dishes, kitten toys, and kitten bed away from tub base and take step stool out of bathtub (placed there in case a kitten somehow got into the tub and needed help getting out)
  • Shower while contained kittens cry
  • Do as much primping/prepping for the day as possible as contained kittens cry
  • Put kitten food and fresh water in dishes and move everything in the Bathroom Kitten Suite back to kitten-ready positions as contained kittens cry
  • Put carrier back in bathroom and close bathroom door
  • Unleash the kittens
  • Supervise feeding for a few minutes making sure there are no fights and no one kitten gets all the food
  • Sneak out of bathroom while kittens are distracted by food
  • Continue getting ready until the bathroom is needed again
  • Sneak back into the bathroom hoping kittens are still distracted by food
  • Get Reese from the kitchen
  • Get The Fuzz from the bathroom entrance
  • Do make-up while kittens treat legs as trees; try to hold off on mascara until kittens are pouncing on one another away from legs
  • Pry kittens off legs
  • Get eye-makeup remover and re-do mascara (wash, rinse, repeat)
  • Take one last look around at bathroom and make sure all things that can be done are done
  • Pry kittens off legs
  • Close bathroom door
  • Open family room door
  • Let Fabs sniff/hiss at where the kittens have been; including hands
  • Give Fabs treats and pets if she wants them
  • Remember one last thing in the bathroom
  • Close Fabs in the family room
  • Open bathroom door
  • Get Reese from kitchen
  • Get The Fuzz from bathroom entrance
  • Close bathroom door
  • Brush teeth, grab earrings, get lipgloss, take rings off holder or whatever other thing I forgot to do previously
  • Throw tinsel ball into corner away from door and sneak out of bathroom
  • Close bathroom door
  • Open family room door
  • Say bye to Fabs
  • Leave while contained kittens cry

It’s kind of exhausting. And even going to the bathroom is a challenge.  Let me tell you, it is an interesting thing to be going about your business while a kitten scales you in attempt to sit on your lap or perch on your shoulder…

But it will be worth it when these two little balls of fluff and energy get to go to a forever home; I’m hoping they’ll get to go together because watching them play and cuddle is awesome and they clearly benefit from one another’s company…

 

Almond Joy (foreground) and Reese (background) first night in their Bathroom Suite at The Apartments of Eternal Christmas

Almond Joy (foreground) and Reese (background) first night in their Bathroom Suite at The Apartments of Eternal Christmas

 

…and I am convinced that Fabian turned into a semi-psychopath because she didn’t have a friend. So let my little demon feLion Fabian Raven be a warning to you all: if you get a kitten, you might as well get TWO kittens.  And if you are looking for two right now, I have some that would love a forever home with you!